Love your Curves and Be Nice

Anastasia, who writes ChaosNoir, recently posted an article cleverly called The Sinisterhood wherein she describes with heartbreaking clarity some of the ways that your best girlfriends don’t always want the best for you.

I’ve never really trusted this idea of “sisterhood.” Connecting with another human being and sharing a familiarity and comfort based on intimacy and trust makes sense to me but to expect that someone will relate to you within certain understood parameters based purely on gender seems to me naive and risky.

I was very moved by Anastasia’s post while reading about her own experiences in the maternity ward with competitive birthing (soon to be an Olympic event) and I’ve been thinking of the ways that my own girlfriends over the years have exhibited their sinister side all in the same of sisterhood.

There was the time that a friend and I went to a party together and at the end of the night my friend announced that she “wanted” the guy that had been flirting with me all night so to be fair I shouldn’t go out with him. Never mind that she and this guy hadn’t even exchanged one word. When I refused she told me that I couldn’t be trusted because I didn’t honor our sisterhood. Sheesh. Some friend. I thought she was psycho.

But the things that really get to me are when my “sisters” tear each other apart about their body issues. “Have you seen how much weight she’s gained?” “I can’t believe she’s wearing that skirt. I guess she doesn’t care if people see her legs.” “You know, you could have that removed.”

In the name of being supportive we “sisters” create an atmosphere of shame about our bodies. So why would we do this? My theory is that it’s competitive behavior. Competing for what? It looks to me like we are still on the playground competing for popularity. Some people just need to ruin someone else’s self-esteem in order to feel good about themselves.

I feel the same way about being congratulated for “looking thin.” You know what I mean, it’s when someone asks if you’ve lost weight and then adds, “well good for you!” Excuse me but losing weight isn’t like earning your Ph.D, or lifting a car off a toddler. As Joy Nash said in her Fat Rant “it’s just fat. Get a life.”

I think the greatest gift you can give to the world is to have fun. I don’t mean just pursue fun…I mean go out and get it. There is enough suffering in the world without you adding to the miasma whining about your thick ankles. You have really cute ankles. Trust me you do. Your butt? There are plenty of butt and thigh men in the world. Take that butt out dancing. Do not wait until you are thinner. Go now.

Have it all, right now.

And while you are it please be nice to the other girls. No matter how thin, or blond, or accomplished they might be…they are just as nervous about being pretty and being liked as you are. Be the one who builds up self-esteem in others and yours will go up too.