Now I can retire

I received this e-mail today. All I had to do to win was be an internet user. I’m so excited and just in time for holiday shopping!

Dear Internet User,

This Email is to inform you that you emerged a winner in Category (A) with the sum of $2,500,000.00USD on our online lottery draws. Your email address is identified with Batch Number: (I need to leave these numbers out so you don’t try and steal my prize!) and Ticket Number: (Oh no you don’t! I’m not telling you my winning number!) in Category (A) and your claims portfolio is filed with Ref Number: (Shhh it’s secret until I claim my prize.)

For further Information about your Winnings, contact our Lottery claims agent with the following contact Address. (Please note random grammatically incorrect capitalization.)

CLAIMS AGENT.
Name: (Names withheld to avoid lawsuits)
Tel: (Same with the phone numbers)
Email:r_____.w______ (at) yahoo.com.hk (A Yahoo account based in Hong Kong. Always trustworthy.)

You are advised to provide him with the following information:

First name:
Last Name:
Telephone/Fax number:
Nationality:
Age:
Occupation:

Congratulations!!! And thank you for being a user of the World Wide Web.

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. M_____ L______
Lottery Coordinator.
Thank you and congratulations!!!

That’s it. I’m moving to Belize and getting myself a cabana boy. Maybe I should also send them my passport number, my social security number and a picture of my cat just to make sure they know it’s me. What do you think?

Actually, I used to keep a file of letters like this one, people offering me millions from African leaders with Swiss bank accounts, people claiming that the CIA is reading their thoughts, etc. Fun times.