Birthday reflections: cancer, aging and mom.
Yesterday, October 28, 2009, I turned 42. I barely noticed when I turned 40, but this birthday is full of meaning and self-reflection.
I have been writing this blog since 2006. I have achieved many of my goals. I have many readers, I have connected with a wonderful community of bloggers, and I created This Lush Life, a shopping website primarily focused on fashionable clothes for full-figured women.
There is still more to do. I’d like to see more fashion segments on television including plus sizes, and to see those segments styled much more fashionably than they are currently. Also, I am struggling with the technology behind my new website design and I would like to just wake up tomorrow morning with a deep and profound insight into how to make it work so that I can get it up and running. I’d like to see people of all sizes treated with dignity and respect and have affordable health care.
I have personal, non-website related goals as well. I’d like to publish my fiction – hell I want to be famous for my fiction truth be told. I want to continue traveling the world – see more countries and visit friends overseas more often. I’d like to go hear live music more often and read more books. This year I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I like myself, I like my appearance, and I like my husband. I hope that I never feel old, that I continue to improve my communication skills so that I can be more kind and loving, and I’d like to do more charity work.
But overall, I am most focused these days on my relationship with my mother and her fight against a rare form of Lymphoma. Over the years she and I have been frequently combative and our relationship has been filled with angry recriminations for unjust behavior on both our parts.
Experiencing her strength and determination through chemotherapy is helping me find a sweetness and a sense of calm acceptance in my feelings for her that I have never felt before. Over the last few weeks I have begun to confront that my life, my actual existence, is a direct result of two people wanting to have another human being to share their love with, and this has been a humbling realization. A friend recently asked me to describe the ways that she and I are similar and truthfully, while I have fought this for decades, she and I are so much alike that it would be a shorter list to describe the ways we are not alike.
So on my birthday this year I ask not what my mom is going to do for me, but what I can do for her. It seems that what she wants now is all that she has ever wanted – for me to be happy and to occasionally spend some fun time with her. And I am finding more and more that hanging out with my mom is a very good way to spend the day.
Happy birthday to you! Me and my mom battle as well but all is forgotten when she is in need and she asks for my help. We only get one mom so we have to cherish as much time with her as possible. Is mom enjoying a cold brew or are my eyes playing tricks on me?
Hi Glen! Yes, mom is having a Sam Adams Octoberfest. She didn’t finish it so I was helpful once again.
Nice Corinna, Happy Birthday and thanks for the post.
“Over the last few weeks I have begun to confront that my life, my actual existence, is a direct result of two people wanting to have another human being to share their love with, and this has been a humbling realization.”
Wow. It sure is. My sister and I were both planned, and I’ve never, and I mean never, given that any thought.
Happy birthday to you and strength to your mom.
Happy birthday & many more. These things are complicated, but our moms are wonderful and precious.
Happy (Belated) Birthday, Corinna! And blessings to you and your mom. Such a poignant post.
I, too, have had a conflictual relationship with my mom, but we both have changed over the years. This past summer she stayed with me for two weeks — the longest period of time I’ve spent with her since I left home at 21 (which was 32 years ago) — and when she left I was sad to see her go and missed her just hanging around. If someone had told me a few years ago that I would feel that way I’d have said they were crazy! LOL.
Enjoy your time together. May your mom’s healing continue on all levels.
And keep on writing!
Dear Corinna,
Thank you for writing this. You are blessed to have this opportunity with your mother.
Love,
Marilyn
Thank you everyone for your support and love. Mom is doing great and she and I are getting closer all the time.
What a wonderful surprise to see and read this beautiful post. Corinna and her sister were both planned and I recall her father saying to me, “One thing you certainly do well is to produce beautiful babies!”
I regret that I can’t show you any baby pictures but I can tell you that Corinna was always an ardent traveler. Even as an infant we would plunk her into her car bed and take off, often for Canada. She always made a great impression on the natives. In one case an adoring hotel owner insisted on carrying her around the dining room, introducing her to all the admiring guests. Those were the days as her sister was not a good traveler until she grew up a bit.
Sorry, Dear, but this is what happens when you introduce Mom to your friends! We cherish the memories of our amazing babies and the happiness they brought us (and their grandparents.)
So thanks my darling, thanks for the beer (I wish I had reminded you to bring me a six-pack along with the gingerale), thanks for choosing us to be your parents (as esoteric philosophy teaches), thanks for all you do for me with such compassionate understanding, and for the wise suggestions you give me, and not least for all the laughter.
Thanks too, readers, for your good wishes.
love,
Corinna’s Mom
Corinna ~ this is a beautiful post. And how adorable is your Mom! I’m glad that you are cherishing these moments with her. They are truly precious. I’d give anything to have one more day to share with my Mom, have a beer, laugh together, hug her. Hold her close.
Love,
Kathy
Thank you for sharing this very delicate subject. I am sorry that your Mom has cancer. It is amazing how challenging it can be when a family member goes through something like this, on such a grand scale. I wish you all the best. You have made great strides and look like you are in a much better place. The beauty is within each moment…it’s very special to see, and thank you for sharing this amazing story.
Sincerely,
Pamela