Government Adjusts Weight System to Help Country Lose Pounds
This article courtesy Mike Kramer,
WASHINGTON DC, APRIL 1, 2009
Alarmed by a growing obesity rate across the country over the last decade, the United States Government has instituted sweeping changes in its system of measurements and weights.
The most significant change involves increasing the value of the pound. One current pound will be valued as 1.1 pounds under the new system. What does this mean? Fewer pounds per person. For example, a person who previously weighed 167 pounds would now weigh just 152 pounds.
“We think these changes will help the country solve its obesity problem,” said April Wahn, Community Director of the US Department of Agriculture (USDA). “When eating right and exercising don’t work, these new standards can help people reach a healthier weight. It’s not the only answer, but it’s a start.”
To underscore this point, Wahn estimates that this change alone would bring the number of overweight Americans down dramatically, from 63% to 49%.
To help people adjust, the US Office of Weights and Standards will make available scale calibration kits that can be used to bring any scale in line with the new standards. You can call 1-800-000-2005 to receive your free kit.
Consumer groups are responding to this change with enthusiasm. One local news editorial claimed, “It’s about time the government stepped in and did something about the country’s weight problem. It needs to be fixed – and quick.” 10,000 scale calibration kits have already been distributed. But the biggest challenges in retail packaging, fishing regulations, and newborn weighing still remain.
“This isn’t going to be something we can incorporate overnight,” continued Wahn. “It could take years and millions and millions of dollars. But in the face of unhealthy weight levels, we’re running out of options.”
Wahn refused to comment on the growing opinion that numbers on the scale are becoming increasingly unimportant in the creation of a healthy lifestyle.
you know, there’s always a solution to any problem!!!!
otflmao
i feel lighter already!
This would be a funny April Fools gotcha if the government hadn’t already done something quite similar back in 1998 — for real. They didn’t change weight measurements, but they did lower the BMI cutoff so that 35 million Americans were turned overweight or obese overnight. Guess who comprised most of the panel who made the recommendation? You got it… doctors who are also on the payrolls of commercial diet and weight loss programs.
What Rachel said. Bunch of dillweeds.
It says that 1 lb. will equal 1.1 lbs. as a means of having people lose weight.
I’m just gonna disagree with you – I think it’s funny specifically because it relates directly to the lowering of the BMI standard back in 1998, which of course, I am well aware of.
I think that if we stop laughing at the ridiculous, then we are living a life with no laughter and I refuse to let my anger about injustice do that to my life.
Yes they are fools and there are real people who are hurt by their prejudice and greed but I will continue to laugh in their faces and dance.
You know I think that I’m going to start going by the old BMI cutoffs and lose some more weight immediately.
In fact, I blame the Earth’s gravity for all this obesity crap. From now on I am weighing myself based on what I would weigh on other planets. I weigh 33 lbs. on the Moon, but 530 lbs. on Jupiter. The Moon wins!