Archive for March, 2009:
Confronting The Wall of Mirrors
A few weeks ago I started Monday night belly dance lessons in Ossining, about an hour north of Manhattan for those of you who live elsewhere. I have always wanted to take belly dance and so I was thrilled when I found a class that was affordable and conveniently located directly between my office and home.
Our teacher, Nahara, is talented, lovely, gentle, encouraging and fun. I can’t imagine a better way for me to confront the dreaded wall of mirrors.
My first wall of mirrors was in a ballet class when I was 5 years old. A room full of little girls in leotards all excited to move our bodies like the ladies we saw at the ballet. Honestly, I think the thing we were most interested in was playing pretend ballet dancer because it’s not like any of us was thinking about a career. Sadly, that room full of little girls came complete with a room full of disappointed mothers, desperate to push their pretty little darlings into the spotlight. I remember being pushed to the back of the line by mothers more competitive than mine, stepping in to move their darling to the front.
There was also a dance teacher who told me that I would be the only kid in class not allowed to do the “Falling Leaves” movement that the other little girls practiced. All the girls would line up at one corner of the room and we were supposed to flutter. Quickly moving on the balls of our feet, our arms raised up high over our heads and then fluttering up and down, like falling leaves. I wasn’t allowed to be a falling leaf because the teacher said I didn’t have the right body type for that movement. That was the day all the other kids in class stopped talking to me. For fuck sake, what kind of miserable hag singles out one little kid in front of the entire class for having a “wrong” body?
I remember tearfully looking over at my mother fully expecting to see a look of outrage on her face. I fully expected her to come running over to defend me. I fully expected her to insist that every kid who paid for the class got to practice every movement that every other kid in class practiced and they got to do it with a smiling and encouraging teacher. But that isn’t what happened. Instead, I saw the face that I would see every day from that moment, until I finally moved out of her house and stopped talking to her for several years. That was before we got a few issues handled. But back then, when I was 5, she was ashamed of her chubby daughter with the frizzy hair and the wrong body type to be a falling leaf. Hell, maybe she still feels that way but now she knows not to tell me, not even “for my own good.”
So here I am facing the wall of mirrors again but this time it is wonderful. I know that my muscles aren’t familiar with these movements and that I am clumsy, but the brilliant Nahara tells me that I am doing great. I know that I am the largest body in the room but all the girls in this class smile and chat before and after the class because our body shape has nothing to do with our friendship. There are no pushy stage mothers here – just women looking to feel good and have fun. I love the music and the scarf with coins that I wear around my hips. I love to watch myself shimmy and shake and learn choreography. And even if no one else outside of that classroom ever sees me I feel like I have finally gotten to be a falling leaf, and I am the prettiest leaf ever of all time.
Have A Fun Filled Weekend
W.B. Yeats
A DRINKING SONG
Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh.
Have a truly wonderful weekend filled with love and celebration!
And remember: I choose the winner of the $100 Igigi Gift Certificate at Midnight tonight. I will announce the winner on Monday. First I will send the winner an e-mail and I must hear back with confirmation that I have a valid e-mail address and a real person who wants that gift certificate by Sunday afternoon sometime. If I don’t hear back from you by Sunday I will then choose another number to be winner.
Photo Credit
A woman opening bottles of wine during a wedding feast.
Location:Brittany, France
Date taken:November 1953
Photographer:Frank Scherschel
Source: Life Magazine
Carl’s Jr. Burgers: Cleverly Marketing to the Lesbians
Clearly this fast food chain is marketing to lesbians because if they were marketing to men, Padma would be eating a Spicy Kielbasa.
This is the transcript of the chat I had with Deb on the Rocks, a very famous lesbian, about the video below:
Corinna:
Hey Deb – Watch this vid first and then tell me what you think. Come on it’ll be really fun and you get to watch Padma Lakshmi totally tongue a dripping wet cheeseburger. Awesome.
I thought about writing a feminist diatribe about how fucking offensive it is to use a woman’s body to sell products, but you know the truth is, deep in my capitalist heart, I know that it makes sense to exploit a woman’s sexuality for sales. Woman are hot. Padma is really really hot. And now I want a cheeseburger. Or 3 Cosmos in a lesbian bar. Or both.
So Deb, when you watch Padma make out with that burger do imagine yourself on the bun?
Deb on the Rocks:
Corinna, you minx, sending me to Padma AND food porn in the middle of the day. The marriage of two of my greatest desires. So, do I imagine myself on the bun? Yes, on the bun, on the burger, on the bacon, and on her ankle and her hand, and dear me it’s getting warm in here, on her wrist. Didn’t they make that bacon to look exactly like a tongue so that the viewers can imagine it is their tongue popping through the screen and into her mouth. I am Bacon, hear me Purr.
Corinna:
Bacon could be the new euphemism for clitoral stimulation. I could say to my husband, “Hey – turn off the tv/get out of the garage/put down that sandwich – and get over here and give momma some bacon.” Only I could say it all sexy like bayyy-connn and then he would remember Padma sucking on a long clit…oh I mean piece of bacon….and – hey, I wanted to put a link here to sex toys but the firewall at my company blocked my access. Bastardos. All men in the IT department. A woman in the IT department would understand my need to shop for Bacon Stimulators while I’m at work. I need one with a USB port. Do they make those?
Deb:
They do make Bacon Stimulators that charge while you work, and I own one. Wouldn’t blog without it. But those IT men blocking you don’t get to have one, and they also don’t get to have Padma, so I hope they aren’t watching the video as it streams non-stop to your screen. Because my favorite part of the Padma porn—well, maybe my second favorite part—is the beginning, when she is tastefully strolling through the food market. Go watch it again to notice how she doesn’t give the man approaching her the time of day. That’s because she doesn’t like hot dog men. Padma walks past him to get to her true love, a hamburger woman. And that hamburger woman is me. Padma likes lesbians and Padma likes hamburgers and Padma likes me. I think that is the Carl’s Jr. message.
Corinna:
Absolutely. Padma left that Satanic Diary guy for you. What was his name? Salman Rushdie! That’s it! Oh wait, it’s Satanic Verses. Anyway, I watched it again and she is definitely walking through that market with a secret, “I’ve got a Deb burger in my bag and a Bacon Stimulator in my pants” look in her eyes. And look at the way the two buns gently open wider as she sucks and licks the juice from inside! Does this mean you two are engaged?
Deb on the Rocks:
Oh, no, she’s not the marrying type, and we’re actually past tense already. Padma’s not a meal, she’s just a fast food quickie. An awesome, juicy quick bite, but not something for the long haul. Just a messy little indulgence now and then. After awhile, you want something more substantial, something real, and you move on from her. Kick her off the stoop and point her to the next burger joint like the shallow little bun hopper she is. But the memories (and the video), those stay forever. And Bacon Stimulators are forever, too. I’m going to watch the video again. Is that really her middle finger she’s licking at the end?
Corinna:
Yes but licking her finger is just another euphemism for licking you. I bet if you watch this video in slow motion the words “Deb come let me lick your bayyy-connn” flash on the screen. She still hasn’t gotten over you. In fact, you have completely ruined her for all other burgers. OK – watching this video again. Lord have mercy look at those bosoms! Those heaving boobies are ready to fall onto the bun and smother her Deb burger! She can barely keep her knees together. Look what you’ve done to her, the poor thing. She probably writes her sad poetry down in her Satanic Diary every night.
Deb:
Oh, Padma, I wish I could quit you, but you are such a lovely condiment ho. Corinna, you’re right, I’m going a slip a ring on her slippery little finger and keep her forever and ever in a 64 ounce Carl’s Jr. cup, and just like Jeannie she will pop out whenever I rub the condensation off of the plastic. My own personal fountain of Padma Pop. Yum!
But she’s going to have to keep eating to get a little more meat on her bones. She’ll be even hotter when she’s Biggie Sized.
Thank you Deb for your insightful commentary on this important social issue.
Igigi sale extended to make wallets happy
Oh joy! The IGIGI Evening Wear Sale has been extended through Friday, March 27th.
You could be wearing this perfect dress on Saturday night. Just let me know where you’ll be because I would hate for us to show up wearing the same thing.
And remember, to be entered to win the $100 IGIGI Gift Certificate, please CLICK HERE and leave a comment. The drawing will be held Friday at midnight. If you post a comment here, I won’t be able to include your name in the drawing.
Thanks everyone for your enthusiasm! I am so completely floored by your comments. It is very inspiring to hear how much everyone hearts Igigi – because seriously y’all I remember a time when clothes like that not only didn’t exist for women my size but it was thought perhaps inappropriate. Maybe that idea still exits but together we are breaking down those barriers.
Three years ago, when I announced to my friends here in New York City, most of whom are very thin, that I was starting an online shopping website selling fashion exclusively to plus size women, the reaction was mixed. Some of my friends were happy for me that I was expressing myself creatively (“You go girl!”) but for the most part I was met with stunned silence. “Why on earth would you want to do that?” “Oh but you’re not that kind of fat!” “But if you lose weight then we can shop at the same stores.” I told that last person that if she just gained weight we could shop at the same stores! One woman expressed her shock by saying that it just isn’t a good idea to make it easy for fat women to find nice clothes because what would then inspire them to lose weight? Oy!
My friends have come a long way towards fat acceptance but I am still considered somewhat of a maverick. Thanks to those of you who send me e-mails about your life, the community that we share through the Fatosphere, and the inspiration of other bloggers, I keep finding the courage to love my body, enjoy my life in this fat body, and dress for success. As my sister said to me just the other day when I was ranting about fat prejudice, “The best revenge is living well.” She’s right and I’m gonna start by drinking champagne while wearing that dress.
More giveaways and contests are coming in the next few days to celebrate the complete redesign and relaunch of This Lush Life. I am so excited!
Win $100 Igigi Gift Certificate and This Week’s Online Sales
This week I’ve been chatting with Ozlem at Igigi. Besides having fabulous clothes, the people behind the brand also are truly interested in their customers. I am thrilled to be able to offer you a $100 IGIGI Gift Certificate! Just leave a comment letting me know that you want the gift certificate and I’ll draw a winner on Friday.
Igigi
In addition to our giveaway, there is a Big Sale at Igigi ending at midnight tonight. Evening Dresses 40% off! Get your gown for the Country Club Cotillian, this year’s High School prom, your Wedding Gown, or your next Red Carpet event. Enter code eveningsale at checkout.
Avenue
Free Shipping on $75 or more on your order at Avenue.com! Click Here for Details.
One Stop Plus
OneStopPlus.com – Enjoy 20% off your order of $60 or more with code OSPCOUPON3, 01/05 – 04/01.
One Stop Plus is also offering free shipping on purchases over $75 now through March 30th. Enter code OSPFREESHIP at checkout.
Woman Within
Woman Within if offering free stuff. Free Deals! With select purchases, get a free item.
SWAK Designs
FREE Standard Shipping on ALL orders, worldwide. Visit SWAKDesigns.com. No coupon needed.
Big Changes are coming to my online shopping site, This Lush Life. A complete re-design with more products! More Clothes! And more giveaways! Announcement coming soon.
Edit: I just wanted to add that I will pick the winner using a random number generator (random dot org) Friday, March 27th at Midnight. Good Luck!
Bruce Jenner is an @$$%0!e. Oh yes he is.
I don’t watch E! Network because at any moment it might trigger my desire to throw objects at the TV and we own The TV That Ate My Living Room, also known as World’s Most Expensive Dust Collector, and I try to avoid throwing things at objects that pricey.
Celebri-tainment makes me a bit nauseous but yesterday I accidentally turned on that channel. I guess I thought I was on Food Network, and while in the kitchen during the commercial I heard that Khloe wanted to pose nude in a PETA ad about not wearing the fur.
oooohhhh kayyyyyyy This ain’t Paula Deen and that’s for sure.
I know that I might have some readers who love PETA. I personally am not opposed to the wearing of the fur. I eat animals and I wear animals and let’s just agree to disagree, ok?
While carefully tending to my beautifully constructed spinach and feta fritata (I should have taken a picture for you it was that gorgeous) I overheard the voice of Khloe complaining that she is head and shoulders taller than her petite sisters, just has a larger frame, and that even though she is fit and slender people give her grief about her body size (even though she lost 12 pounds), and sometimes strangers on the internet tell her to lose weight. OK I thought, this is not surprising especially since she and her sisters are L.A. media whores. I’m not saying it’s right – fuck no it is not right to publicly or privately call out anyone on their weight, but I did think, well, not surprising. I am not saying the victim is to blame but I am saying that Hollywood is harsh and particularly harsh to young women regarding their weight no matter how thin they may be. These young women are constantly being told to gain and to lose.
And then came the moment that I almost dropped my lovely brunch on the floor. I heard one Bruce Jenner say, “well don’t you think you could stand to drop a few pounds?” WHAT????!!!!!
Bruce oh Bruce! Say it isn’t so! Oh how my family loved you back in 1976 when you were a Decathlon dreamboat! When my father wanted to ban rock and roll from our house I could point to your muscular all American handsomeness on our box of Wheaties as evidence that longish hair on boys was ok. And now this? You shove your own step-daughter’s self esteem in the mud on national fucking television?
You married her mom when she was 7 years old. She is now nearly 25 so this means that for last 18 years you have been a father figure and she is the big sister to the two daughters you have had with her mom. Her father, Robert, died and while I think he too was a douche for supporting O.J., still he was her father and from everything I learned while watching the show for 20 minutes, she certainly loved him.
You fucking called your step-daughter fat on national television. You are a douche.
Fat Girl Flea Market returns to Manhattan
I just received this information via e-mail from Bevin, Flea Market Captain, 2009 and I am so happy I could plotz!
The Fat Girl Flea Market is just a couple of weeks away!
Saturday April 4th
11am – 8pm
$8 entrance fee
LGBT Center — 208 West 13th Street, 3rd floor, Manhattan, NYC
DONATIONS
The Flea Market CAN NOT HAPPEN without your donations. Keep clothes that you love and that make you feel good about yourself. Purge everything else to make room for other clothes that you love. How empowering would it be to have a wardrobe made up entirely of clothes that fit you well and make you feel incredible? Bless someone else with the clothes you no longer love, or that you love but never wear.
And did you know that all donations are tax deductible? For more information about donations, please see the website. How To Donate.
Email donations@fatgirlfleamarket.com to arrange a donation pick-up by a volunteer!
Drop off available on Thursday & Saturday from 12-9 PM at Re/Dress NYC (to Bevin) 109 Boerum Pl, Brooklyn, NY (please email Bevin: donations@fatgirlfleamarket.com or contact Deb Malkin at Re/Dress NYC: deb@redressnyc.com to let them know you’re coming).
Drop off locations also available in Jersey City, Massachusetts, Philadelphia and Central Jersey.
They really need pick-up volunteers
Can you donate a few shifts picking up donations from people? Can you pick up items from folks who wish to donate? They really need volunteers for this. Especially in Brooklyn. Email donations@fatgirlfleamarket.com
Donation Drop-offs
Can you be a drop off location? Can you coordinate people in your area to pick up from people in your area?
Volunteers
Sorting the night before and before, during and after the event; moving clothing from storage to the truck the day before; working at the event as a personal shopper, door greeter, and check out. volunteer@fatgirlfleamarket.com
This is the largest fundraiser for NOLOSE and they are extremely thankful for all our support. To find out more about NOLOSE and where the money for this fundraiser goes please read the FAQ section on their website.
I’m going to volunteer that day so please introduce yourself if you see me.
Must Reads from the Blogoverse
I’ve been diligently attempting to write three different blog posts simultaneously because that’s how I like to do it; add a phrase here, a paragraph there, correct punctuation if I happen to notice it. So anyway, I keep being interrupted by work and unable to finish anything blog related so I have decided to share random bits of usefulness that have appeared in my Google Reader today.
What, are you still here? Go! Read!
Checking out and flying home
It’s been wonderful here in Green Bay. I’ve had a great time at this weekend extravaganza, these couple of days of frolic and merriment that is hosted by my friend Weetabix every year. I’ve met wonderful new people like Jen, and caught up with old friends like Poundy, and and many other really fun and cool folks.
And now to make sure I haven’t left anything in the hotel room, zip up my suitcase and brave the snowy roads to get to the airport. Folks who were meant to fly home last night found that all flights were canceled so they spend some time at a local casino, spent the night at a different hotel, and the last I heard they had to be back at the airport at 4:00 a.m. to ride a bus to a different airport in order to fly home. Such is the risks we take when we come to Wisconsin in March.
The snow stopped around 1:00 a.m. and there haven’t been any cancellations today so hopefully I’ll have an easier time getting home than my friends. That’ll be all for now. Perhaps more via my Twitter page. I leave you with one last thing: just heard on the tv, “get all of your home maple syrup making needs at ____ hardware.” Goodbye Green Bay! I love you!
You too can blow Wolverine
Must leave hotel and drink buckets of coffee to prepare for Day 2 of Weetacon, my Green Bay, Wisconsin adventure.
But I must share one image before I go:
My everlasting thanks to Jenny for sharing this and she found it via Geekologie.
Run out and buy this incredible blow-up sex toy completely appropriate and fun toy which is way better than Barbie for your kids. They won’t end up in therapy. Really.
Now…where can I get one of those and does it come with a picture of Hugh Jackman?
