My Wifey Spidey Senses are Tingling
Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.
–James Thurber
Things I have repeatedly said to my husband:
1. Honey please don’t grab my ass/boobs in public.
2. Honey please don’t grab my ass/boobs while I’m cooking.
3. Honey please don’t grab my ass/boobs while I’m gardening.
4. Honey please don’t grab my ass/boobs while we’re shopping.
My husband isn’t grabby all the time, everywhere we go. Generally he is very tender and demonstrative. But sometimes, he is grabby. And this usually means that I snap at him. He then laughs because he says that I am sexy when I am angry and he has admitted that he makes me mad on purpose because he likes it so much. This totally burns me up so of course he does it again. And again and again.
I know that it’s better to have a husband who wants to grab my ass/boobs than one who never wants to touch me. Really, I do know this. And a part of me is bragging, “Look how my man can’t keep his hands off me! I effing rock!” And a part of me is complaining, “Look how my man can’t keep his hands off me! This effing sucks!”
More things that I have repeatedly said to my husband:
1. Honey please don’t grab my ass/boobs in the supermarket.
2. Honey please don’t grab my ass/boobs while I’m driving. OK, for the sake of clarity, it’s really just my boobs that he grabs while I’m driving.
3. Honey please don’t grab my ass/boobs during the party. It’s just not that kind of party.
Now that I have been married 1.5 years I have the benefit of wisdom that comes from experience. I am beginning to catch on that sometimes he pushes my buttons for more attention because he just really perversely enjoys pushing my buttons, but what gets my intuition buzzing? I think that he does it to get me to pay attention to him. Eureka! I really think I’m on to something here.
I’ve been working on a collection of short stories. Every night after work I go to my second job. I sit at the kitchen table completely ignoring him, typing away. He says that he is proud of me and I believe him when he says that he wants me to do well, and to feel fulfilled with my writing. I also know that he needs some attention. And if I don’t give it to him he will figure out a way to get me to notice him.
These are not my boobs.
My husband is a wonderful man. He has never once complained that I have gained 30 pounds since we met 5 years ago. This summer we’ve been very active and while I’ve lost a bit of weight, he says that he doesn’t even remember what I looked like thinner and that he loves my body now. He gives me tons of compliments, is fun to hang out with and is very good to my mother. My husband is a dreamboat. Somehow I still find things to complain about. The more I think of it…he’s an effing saint to live with me.
I think if he were on his deathbed and I bent over to hear his final whispered words he would still reach up for a handful of boobie.
And that is definitely bragging.
It’s better to have something to grab than have jutting bones but I feel for you. There’s nothing more, let’s say, annoying (for the distraction) when you’re shopping or, like me, trying to make a souffle (and fail).
I have to admit that this cracks me up because I have the SAME complaint about my wonderful hubby. I mean yes I LOVE that he finds me so irresistable. But when I’m totally concentrating on chopping mushrooms, stirring hamburger and watching pasta boil and he comes to grope from behind while I have a huge f**ing knife in hand; I still have to growl at him….but he likes it! LOL… I’ll have to start telling him I’m getting tingley wifey senses… ^^
I can relate to… pretty much all of this =) I read this part out loud to my fiance: “I think if he were on his deathbed and I bent over to hear his final whispered words he would still reach up for a handful of boobie.” and he answered: “yeah, me too”.
okay. So, I have to admit this. I would totally slap my DH if he grabbed me like that in public. Well, probably not literally slap, but it would make me very angry and he would know it.
It’s just totally inappropriate and it doesn’t respect me in the way I’d want to be. I don’t grab him out in public and I expect the same courtesy from him. I think it’d be even worse if I’d told him repeatedly, because that would be very hurtful; he’d obviously been not listening to what I have to say about my own body autonomy. If I tell someone I don’t want my privates grabbed in public, I expect that I will be listened to.
If I were grabbed in the privacy of our own home, I’d probably be okay with it, so long as it wasn’t while I was at the stove or handling knives.
Yes, after nearly fourteen years of marriage, he’s still crazy about me. But no, he doesn’t go grabbing at me. In those 14 years, i’ve weighed 40 pounds less and 40 pounds more than I do now and he loves me all the same, and never says a word about it.
I think in your situation, I might sit down with him at a time when I’m not mad, when we’re not in public, etc. And I would calmly explain how it makes me feel. I also would explain that I don’t appreciate being deliberately riled just because he thinks its cute or something. When I’m angry with a man, he’d better not like it. When I’m angry, I’m not trying to have spunk or moxie or whatever. I’m deeply upset. and he’d better be upset about me being upset.
But this is just me and that’s just how I roll. YMMV.
Zingy, April, Becky – Clearly we are members of the “My husband loves to grope me” club.
Rose – I really really get how you feel. And yes, if it really really were an issue for me he would stop. Truthfully – I really did hate it when he would overtly grab me in stores, where I thought the neighbors could see, etc. We had several sit-down conversations (more like lectures) and he did finally understand and stop doing that. The rest of the time – well I guess to be honest with you, I like that he grabs me and I like to complain about it. And that’s how I roll.
I’m deeply upset. and he’d better be upset about me being upset.
Rose, my fiance likes to rile me too, and for me there’s deeply upset and then there’s half laughter half shock “I can’t believe you just did that!” upset. When I’m genuinely upset, my fiance is genuinely contrite and makes an effort to stop doing whatever it is that upset me. When I’m half riled up and half amused, we both get a good laugh out of it. I suspect it’s the same for Corinna.
Word.
I’ve got the same thing with my hubby. A few weeks back he had incredible restraint of the groping. It felt weird so I asked him if he was upset with me because he wasn’t doing his usual groping and not that I was saying I like all the groping but why hadn’t he groped lately. Turns out he was just overly stressed with work and not sleeping well.
Isn’t crazy? I complain about all the groping and then complain when he stops.
We talked about this on Saturday at BlogHer, remember? How my husband is constantly grabbing me at the most inopportune times, like when I’m standing over a boiling pot of water on the stove or something. I am beyond grateful that he finds me attractive even at my size, but I also think he would try to get a grab in even on his deathbed
Well, shit, if I’d known you liked it I’d have groped you more at BlogHer. Ha!
Is it totally wrong that I love a nice ass tap and/or grab in the grocery store. Also love it when he puts his hand on my lower back… *sigh*. I’m a hussy, what can I say?
As a husband and perverted booty grabber in public I must say that I can see your side of all of this but I figure that if after 16 years I can’t grab my wife’s but while she is cooking then the magic has left the building.
BTW I know that I will grab her butt on my deathbed to give her a good feeling and image of me that is positive before I break on through to the other side.